“I don’t know if I can do this” 50k Race Report

Pre-race

As many of you know, the race doesn’t start at the starting line. When you are traveling to a race, simply just getting to the destination can be an adventure. That was the case this time around as we had to deal with freezing rain and snow from Iowa City to Crystal Lake, IL, on Friday afternoon. The predictions from the ice storm forced me to head to Scheel’s to purchase some ice cleats.

Never heard of ice cleats? Well, I hadn’t either until Emily texted me a link to them online and told me to get them in case we needed them. She’s the real MVP!

Once I had my ice cleats and all, we braved the conditions and headed to Crystal Lake in the freezing rain for the most stressful 3.5 hour drive I’ve had in awhile. I do not like driving in inclement weather due to a bad experience in my past, but we got through it. It was the type of driving where you need to have both hands on the wheel and focus every minute on the task at hand.

That made it even more difficult knowing that I had my race for the next morning and needed to carbo load during the ride. In case you are wondering, pasta is not a great travel food. Emily had to spoon-feed me chunks of pasta as we’re driving through the storm. Despite all the chaos, we made it to Crystal Lake around 8:00 pm, got checked into the hotel, and I loaded up on more pasta from Noodles & Co.

I laid out all my gear the night before, tried out the ice cleats, and set my alarms for 6:00, 6:15, 6:30, and 6:45 am. Or so I thought.

Minus the 3 or 4 am wake up call from our dog, Wally, I had a decent night of sleep and woke up to Emily’s alarm at 6:45 am!!! Turns out that I had set my own alarms but had left my phone on vibrate and they didn’t wake me up.

That meant that I was about 45 minutes behind schedule when I woke up and felt quite rushed. Breakfast consisted of protein bar and a blueberry muffin from the hotel breakfast.

We headed to the race site, got the packet pickup, and I gathered at the starting line feeling a little rattled mentally.

Lap 1 – And so it begins!

The Frozen Gnome is both a 10k and 50k that starts at the same time so all runners headed out together.

Going into the first lap, I wanted to come out slow and walk the hills to keep my heart rate low. Running in groups of people was energizing and it felt great to get started. The 28 degree temps were not an issue once I got moving, but it was about a mile and a half into it before I encountered the first hill that had me walking. Then a half mile after that, there was another. And then another. And another. This course was relentless.

I had a flashback to the race website and remember reading “VERY CHALLENGING, TRIPLE BLACK DIAMOND rated, fun and frosty run in Crystal Lake” and thought, “wow, so this is what triple black diamond looks like.”

Overall, the first lap was pretty challenging but the crowds of runners around me and excitement from the beginning of the race were enough to get me through the first lap in pretty good shape.

Splits

Lap 2 – “I’m doing an ultra!” 

After a brief pit stop to chat with Emily and get a new phone charger, and stuff my mouth with a few pretzels and a few Saltines, I was off on round 2. Knowing that I had seen the worst of the course and had already conquered it once was extremely motivating, and I began to pick up the pace.

That feeling of “Omg, I’m doing an ultra!! I’m really doing it!” were going in my head and then a few texts from friends and family start coming through on my Apple Watch. 

“You got this, Mario!”

“Let’s go super mario!”

“Keep it up, you got this shit!”

I saw every one and they kept me going. The spirits and energy were high as I jammed to my favorite running tracks on Spotify.

The only obstacle that presented itself was that in certain parts of the course, the trails had turned to complete mud, which forced me to trudge through thick, sometimes ankle-deep mud.

The worst was when this occurred on downhill paths that would force me to hold onto branches to stabilize myself. Not exactly what I thought of when I came up with the idea to do an ultramarathon.

Splits

Lap 3 – “I don’t know if I can do this””

Since I was feeling so good at this point, I opted to keep going and not stopping to get food.

This is where things start to take a turn for the worse. It started with some issues with my phone. I think it was too cold and my iPhone stopped playing Spotify. No music from here on out. That’s okay… I can focus on the sounds around me.

And this was one of the biggest factors that I didn’t realize until I got out on my third lap. By this point, I was mostly out on the course by myself. A few runners had separated themselves ahead and behind me. It’s peaceful when you’re in a good mood and you’re out by yourself, but when you’re struggling, it can be really tough.

And I really started struggling around mile 15 or 16.

I had been running for a couple of hours at that point and it really started to set in how far I still had left to go. The hills were extremely tough and by this point, the mud had become ridiculously deep and extremely difficult to walk through in some spots. Even the 20-25 mph winds started to pick up at this point. 

My mind started racing…

Then with the self-talk turning south and the struggles becoming more real, at about mile 16 or 17, I slipped and twisted my left ankle. Shit! This had happened several times in training and I know that it’s common when it comes to trail running, but this was another setback. I slowed to a walk, and the runner behind me asked me if I was okay as he jogged on by.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I responded as he jogged away. But that’s when the negative self-talk really started to settle in. 

“This fucking sucks” is all I could think. “I’m struggling, my legs are starting to feel heavier with every step, and I have another 14 miles left of the hills, mud, and wind. Brutal. And I’m mostly by myself out here still.”

And again, thoughts of “I don’t know if I can do this” were constant. I thought that it would be okay if I just quit after my third lap, got in the car, and headed home. I knew how difficult it is to train and compete in an ultramarathon, and I think I was content with quitting at that point.

In that moment, many of the previous lessons that I have learned came to mind.

But the one that really got me through it was that when my body was telling me that I wanted to quit, I took that as a sign that I needed to eat something.

Sometimes our biggest problems have simple solutions.

All I needed to do was just to get to the next aid station. I struggled through it but made it there.

Splits

Lap 4 – “Every step and every breath”

It’s really hard to be down during a race, but it’s even harder when the people that came to support you witness it. That’s exactly what I got as I arrived at the aid station and was greeted by Emily.

For the first time I said out loud, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Knowing that I needed food, I went for a PB&J, banana, and I chugged a coke.

In my lowest moment, when I was dangerously close to quitting, I get another one of those texts from my friend’s mom… “

Hey Mario!, I hear you you are on the road today. Good for you! You are such a true inspiration – keep going, stay steady! You got this!

It was the perfect message at the perfect time because it reminded me of WHY I was doing it and WHO I was doing it for.

I do these races to become a better version of myself and I dedicate it to the people that I love the most. 

I had to keep going for them.

Now that I had refueled and a bit warmer than at the beginning, I set out on the 4th loop. 

At this point, I needed a mental boost and really started to break the race down. I told myself that don’t need to run 13 more miles, I just need to run 5. Then another 5. Then 3 more after that. 

Once I did that, I focused on shorter milestones and took it one mile at a time. And anytime I started to think about the end goal of finishing and started to get overwhelmed, I would bring myself back to the present moment and faced the current challenge at hand.

To help with that, I focused on my mantra. “Every step and every breath, I’m getting stronger and stronger.”

I literally said “every breath and every step” for 5+ miles. Slowly, I made my way.

Splits

Lap 5 – “I can’t be stopped”

After some warm soup and a quick chat with Emily, I set out on my fifth and final lap. At this point, I knew that no matter what it took, I was going to finish the race. I had overcome so much already: the hills, the mud, the cold, the negative self-talk, and I was still standing and still moving forward. 

I knew nothing would get in my way.

As you can see from my times, it was a total grind, but I kept focusing on one mile at a time. 

Splits

As I was turning the corner on my last lap and heading to the finish line, I saw Emily recording a small group of people cheering me on. 

How could I end such an epic day and challenge? With an epic mudslide. So that’s what I did. See below.

Overall

If you’ve followed my story at all, you know that I believe that it’s not about the race, it’s about the person that you become along the way. That’s the Endurify process. And if that’s true, then I grew a lot as a person after this race. 

I think I can honestly say that this was the hardest things that I ever had to overcome and I became a better version of myself because of it.

I learned so much about myself, the power of my mind, and relied a lot on the people around me to get through it.

How does this compare to your endurance events? Can you relate? Comment below with your thoughts or let us know at hello.endurify@gmail.com!

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